What’s the deal with MM romance? Why women love Heated Rivalry and queer men.

Connor Storrie, right, and Hudson Williams are seen in an undated production still image handout from the Crave series "Heated Rivalry." Bell Media

With Heated Rivalry, the new Crave show, melting the ice (and the internet) with how hot it is, there’s been a lot of discussion about the women who got this book adaptation picked up by HBO.

Because Heated Rivalry’s fans are predominantly cis and straight-presenting women and the book was authored by a woman, it’s no surprise that it’s captured their hearts. Although media outlets keep saying the book is loved by straight women, this disregards how many queer women and non-binary folks also love MM (Male-Male) romance.

It feels like whoever’s writing these articles thinks that gay guys and straight women love MM romance because they are sexually attracted to men. And frankly, that’s missing the point. Loving a kind of romance novel doesn’t mean you have to be turned on by the body parts of the people depicted.

What I heard most from women and non-binary folks when I asked them why they love MM romance was about intimacy, power dynamics and misogyny.

So to the men online who wonder why women dominate the market in MM romance, I say: Nothing’s stopping you from writing romance. Jacob Tierney, Heated Rivalry’s showrunner, said, “The thing is that gay men don’t know these books exist, but when you put them on the TV, they will watch it.”

To say that this is only fetishization of men by women is missing the larger point.

We love MM romance because we don’t have to think about misogyny.

Even in MF (Male-Female) romance written by women, the story typically follows a very straight relationship template that’s rooted in the patriarchy. The man is the pursuer. He’s bigger than her, can lift her up, protects her, etc.

All of which can be super sexy, but when you think of a MF romance, the assumption is that the man is doing all of those things regardless of the character’s personality. In a MM romance, the physicality is different. Generally, you have two men who are roughly the same size. There’s no inherent power imbalance there. If one person is picking up the other, it’s because he wanted to do it, because that’s part of his character. There’s more room for the characters’ personalities to dictate what’s happening rather than their gender.

Seeing people be absolute equals in a relationship is sexy. Unfortunately, unequal gender dynamics will always exist in the world of MF romance because the patriarchy is baked into the world we live in. There’s freedom in reading MM romances because they get to be equals.

We can explore power dynamics without fear.

While we’re on the topic of roles and power dynamics, it’s much more fun to explore power play dynamics in a MM romance than a MF romance because, as Jacob Tierney says, you don’t have to do it with a secretary and a boss. It’s freeing to not have to worry about what the real-life consequences of that are. Will she lose her job? Does she actually consent or is she coerced?

You can see this clearly in Heated Rivalry. These men are the same height and roughly the same weight. They’re both at the peak of their physical health and their careers and compete against each other often—some titles going to one and some to the other. It’s obvious that in their life outside of sex, they are absolute equals. This means that when they step into soft dom/sub roles, there’s no moment where you worry that one couldn’t leave if they stopped enjoying it. Which is something women+ do worry about even when reading about other people’s experiences.

There’s also this brilliant moment where the sub character, Shane, breaks the dynamic to throw his underwear at the other, Ilya, and laughs. Ilya is surprised, but both their expressions are quickly replaced with lust and they return to their power dynamic. It’s a blink-and-p-miss-it moment, but it shows that these guys are both into this. Which matters.

Imagine, for a moment, that we had a MF dynamic with a man as the dom and a woman as the sub. When the woman walks into the room and the man says coldly, “Take off your clothes,” there’s a tension. I’m scared for her because this could go badly. Of course, there are ways this can be done where you don’t worry about anyone’s safety, but there’s so much sexual violence both in the world and in our media that you just don’t know. It feels wonderful to be held by the scene and to know no one is in danger.

We don’t have to compare themselves to impossible standards present even in MF romances.

Aside from power dynamics and sexual violence in MF romance, another reason women love MM romance is there’s absolutely no need to compare yourself to the main the character’s physical appearance.

When I asked women why they enjoy reading MM romance, the second most common answer was that “MF books typically have the beautiful female character who can turn on the male character with a freaking look. Ummmm I do not see myself at all.”

Women are already subjected to such impossible beauty standards. It makes sense that when so much in MF romance novels is about bodies—perfect faces, boobs, abs, whatever—women don’t want to have to be subconsciously comparing themselves to the main character.

For my part, I just don’t get the obsession about bodies. MF romances often focus on the size difference between the characters and how strong he is etc. I know that does it for some people, but personally, it just reinforces stereotypes and the patriarchy. Do I want my partner to protect and care about me? Of course! But I don’t want it to be because they tower over me or are a man. I want it to be because they love me.

We find connection and intimacy sexy.

Which brings us to the third main reason women love MM romance: connection. There is something absolutely swoony about a man being vulnerable. It’s something we don’t see very much in our media (or in real life), but more than that, there’s something about men being vulnerable with other men that’s attractive.

So often, it feels like men can only be vulnerable and emotional with women. Whomst amongst us has not had a man tell us a vulnerable secret that they’ve never told their best male friend? It’s exhausting being the only place men can be vulnerable. It’s emotional labour we don’t want to have to do in our fantasies. So instead, we read about men who are able to (eventually) find ways to be vulnerable with each other.

It’s that human connection that gets us going. For every time I’ve heard something about the asses of the actors in Heated Rivalry, I’ve heard three times more comments about how devastating it is that Shane’s last thought in episode 2 is that they didn’t kiss.

Sex sells, but love powers an international hit.

The internet is talking about how sexy the show is. How it doesn’t hold back on the spice. Meanwhile, fans of the book and some new fans are dissecting the way Ilya keeps checking in with Shane during their first time having penetrative sex, the kiss to Shane’s shoulder during that interaction, how Ilya’s eyes go from open and vulnerable to closed off as soon as he realizes what’s happening. (Even straight-presenting men are down bad about “We didn’t even kiss”—just listen to What Chaos.)

Fans want the connections. They want the vulnerability and the warmth. And it’s fucking hot when you get it from beautiful men who you don’t usually see act that way. This show is very sex foreword, yes. But it’s also intimacy foreword, and that’s the key to what women love about MM stories. Intimacy and equality.

Like Hudson Williams, who plays Shane says, “Come for the hot sex. Stay for the warm love.” That’s what the women do.